The Amazing Race

Friday we got up very early for us (7 am. We're on vacation damn it) and started to do all the finishing touches to get out of the house and on to the airport. We left in plenty of time. Took the toll road to the airport to smartly bypass any morning traffic there might be. Park in the cheap lot ($5/day beeyotch!) and get on the shuttle. Where we sit FOREVER as the driver lets every man, woman and child who had a flight out of DIA on to the damn shuttle.

Finally start to drive and get to the counter at AA. Check in. Well, not my husband. They just cut off the baggage acceptance so he'll have to take his with him. Great.

Haul down to the security line which is the longest I've ever seen it there. Double damn. Snake through the queue only to realize that my husband has his toiletries in his bag. Throw away $15 dandruff shampoo. Realize I have a bottle of water and three box juices for my kids. Throw them away. Fucking terrorists.

Get to our place in the line and my oldest daughter gets pulled over for "suspicious items in her bag". She's 12 for chrissakes. She has her toiletry bag in her carry on. Fuck. Never even thought to ask. Brand new toothpaste and $15 bottle of teeth gel in the trash.

Head down to the train (DIA is one of the more craptastic airports in the country. You have to take everything but a boat to get on a plane.) Look up at the time. It's 10:09. I'm starting to panic. I say "crap it's 10:09 and our flight leaves at 10:35. We're at the last concourse. We'll never make it." My darling 12 year old says, "no mom. Our flight leaves at 10:25." Holy shit.

We run. Off the train, up two escalators and to the gate. We can hear them calling final boarding for our flight. I throw our boarding passes at the gate agent and we run on the plane. Phew. All is well and we've made our flight.

But there is trouble in paradise. Once boarded we all notice a smell. Not a very pleasant smell at that. It's a smell that takes me back to my days at Humboldt State. It's the smell of really rank B.O.

We sit in our seats. I'm a little disturbed to see we're sitting in row 23. I know it's lame (hello? theme of my life) and it will only make sense to you if you watch Lost, but I'm taking it in. Then it hits me. The nicely dressed older lady in front of me is the cause of the B.O.

2 hours. 2 hours of wretched body odor. 2 hours of my son saying, "what's that smell mom?" 2 hours of my husband laughing as I sit miserably on the plane with my shirt over my nose. I forgot to mention that I also have had to pee since I got to the parking area and I hate going on planes. 2 hours of horrible smell and the huge urge to urinate. Worst. Plane ride. Ever.

Got into L.A. safely and have had a really nice weekend. Lots of family and friends. At 1 today we will board our ship for our cruise. Really looking forward to it. Just hope my son will partake of the kids club a bit. He's being a bit clingy to me lately.

Hope you all have a wonderful week. I know I wrote a book with this one but I figure I'll leave you with something you can read in pieces since I'll be gone all week. Because I know how much you all care ;)