O.M.G.

I did my dishwasher duty this morning (I failed though. There was too much in the dishwasher to fit all of the dinner dishes in as well. Sigh) When the whole thing was fully loaded I put the dish soap in and started it. About a minute later I hear the silverware rattling. I went between happiness at the prospect of getting a new dishwasher and sadness knowing this would take many hours of internet research (nothing is easy at my house)

The rattling didn't stop so I opened the dishwasher to see what was going on (I'm all kinds of mechanical)

I almost peed myself. The rattling sound was made by my CAT who had jumped in at some point. My nicely wet cat jumped over the side and proceeded to lick himself while giving me the death look. I however was laughing too hard to care.

To think I was worried about a coyote getting him this morning (big article in the Denver Post). He's worse off in the home. LOL

I'm such a good pet owner.

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday I was reminded at the last minute that I needed to get a Bratz doll for a birthday party my daughter was going to. We had been looking for a Wii (we are lazy and would not wait hours in line for one though) since they came out and I had read on a forum that Walmart was supposedly going to have some that day.

Off to Wallyworld!

Go in and get all the stuff I need then go check out electronics. Damn. No Wii's in the case. Oh well, it was a long shot. Then I hear a heavenly voice over the intercom: "If you are still looking for a Wii, come on over to Customer Care." I was standing right next to customer care! I pivoted and the lovely blond lady said, "Would you like a Wii today?" Um hell ya I would!

They had 7 in stock when I got to the counter. When I finished paying there were none left.

Moral of the story? If you want to get your hands on the Wii, go to Walmart at 1pm.

Who knew? Oh and the thing is so much damn fun. However, remember how I said that I'd probably be good at it since I move my joystick around? Yeah, I suck. It's wrong to have your ass handed to you at a game of tennis by your four year old.

Well gotta run. My 9 year old made pancakes! Woo Hoo!

Oh and I FINALLY got tickets to see Wicked for next weekend. This has been the score-a-rama weekend all right!

Hope you all have a good one!

See, I lie

Yesterday I went with my 12 year old to one of the most evil places on Earth.

The Container Store.

I could seriously drop some mad cabbage in there. I managed to spend $75 and all I got were some bathroom crates and canisters for my kitchen. Skeery. My daughter even said, "it's a whole store full of things you never knew you needed." Who knew?

My next shopping goal is to get a grill. No, not the ones for your teeth although I would so rock them. I would. We need a real grill you can use to cook. My grill is at Lowe's. I know this because Consumer Reports told me so. Hopefully they have some Memorial Day sale there. I should be barbequing weenies by Monday. So excited.

I know I'm a stay at home mom and that domestic jobs (re: maid service) are my life. How sad is it that I was so happy this morning that my entire sink full of dishes perfectly fit into my dishwasher with no room to spare? I was truly stoked at myself for my dishwasher loading skills. I have some mad skills apparently. I rock.

Happy Memorial Day weekend to all (that just sounded so wrong)

Home

Well I'm back in Colorado. Loving being home. Great flight home last night with drunks and tourney level word search finding flamboyant gay men. A good time was had by all.

Hopefully I'll get back to some normal semblance of a life soon. Right now I'm just trying to catch up on my dvr viewing. Lost in HD takes up an awful lot of space ya'll.

I promise to give a recap at weeks end. Oh crap, that's tomorrow. Well, we'll see.

I'm so tired right now that I feel like I'm getting sick. Perhaps it's just because I took 3 kids grocery shopping for over two hours today. Perhaps it's because my husband is really sick. Perhaps I need to just slow down for a while. I'm hoping for number 3.

If I lied and don't recap tomorrow, have a great 3 day weekend everyone. I'll be at the Home Depot buying a grill.

Vacation is tiring

I am soooo freaking tired right now. I've had to go between L.A. and Orange County every day. And run all around. And drag kids from friend to friend. And listen to the begging as they plea with me not to leave their friends. It's sad but I'm really kind of over it.

Tomorrow we fly back. I am very excited to go back home but I am dreading flying with three kids alone.

I'm going now as my son won't stop making me do stuff for him. Bastard.

WAZZZZUUUPPPPP!!!!!!!

Well I am back, safe and sound and in one slightly heavier piece. I think I'm just going to write out a travel log and put it in the sidebar so that I won't bore everyone with my traveling fun. I feel like I haven't been around forever. It's like I've forgotten how to write. ;)

Here are my ten things to know before taking a cruise vacation. Just in case.

10. Having sex in a twin bed is something only college kids should do. It's just not all that fun/easy/exciting when on vacation.

9. Cruise ships have the worst timing for everything. The shows were at 6:45. The kids club didn't open until 7. Dinner was at 8. We could never see a show, have peace at night and have the kids fed. It's just silly really.

8. If you are traveling with a small child and they insist on sleeping on the top bunk in your room, shove the ladder between the frame and the mattress. Viola! Kid can't fall out! Of course the cabin stewards on our floor weren't the one's who could tell us that. It was a nice lady with a three year old at our muster drill who tipped us off.

7. If you've ever thought you were good at partying you aren't. There were more 60 year old women who could seriously drink me under the table than I care to admit to. They must have iron livers or something.

6. Even though you get at least three courses in the dining room, it is much better to eat there. Since it's a "fancy" restaurant the quantity of food you get is the right amount. All the serious fatties eat at the buffet. I split the difference between the two.

5. Use Royal Caribbean for your cruising needs. The rock climbing wall was so well used by my family that it made it so worth it to have chosen Royal over Carnival. Plus apparently the food is much better.

4. San Diego is boring (well perhaps not if you haven't been there before), Catalina is BORING, and Ensenada is NOT the quaint, pretty port city that they try to tell you it is. If you can, take any other sailing than the one we took if you really want to "get out there" and see something.

3. I am still rocking and it's Monday. I've been off the ship since 10 am Friday. I am getting really, really tired of it.

2. Talk to the staff on your cruise. They recruit these people from all over the world and it is really cool to hear their stories. I think this is the only reason my husband ever will cruise. He just loves to hear where they're from, how they came to work on a ship etc. It can be a really neat tool for kids too.

And the number one thing to know about taking a cruise?

1. If you leave for your cruise and have blogged from your parents computer and don't delete the history, they will read your blog. It was very disconcerting to come home and have my mom ask how my husband's rash was clearing up. Very. Disconcerting.

Thanks for all the nice comments while I was gone. It's actually really nice to be back.

The Amazing Race

Friday we got up very early for us (7 am. We're on vacation damn it) and started to do all the finishing touches to get out of the house and on to the airport. We left in plenty of time. Took the toll road to the airport to smartly bypass any morning traffic there might be. Park in the cheap lot ($5/day beeyotch!) and get on the shuttle. Where we sit FOREVER as the driver lets every man, woman and child who had a flight out of DIA on to the damn shuttle.

Finally start to drive and get to the counter at AA. Check in. Well, not my husband. They just cut off the baggage acceptance so he'll have to take his with him. Great.

Haul down to the security line which is the longest I've ever seen it there. Double damn. Snake through the queue only to realize that my husband has his toiletries in his bag. Throw away $15 dandruff shampoo. Realize I have a bottle of water and three box juices for my kids. Throw them away. Fucking terrorists.

Get to our place in the line and my oldest daughter gets pulled over for "suspicious items in her bag". She's 12 for chrissakes. She has her toiletry bag in her carry on. Fuck. Never even thought to ask. Brand new toothpaste and $15 bottle of teeth gel in the trash.

Head down to the train (DIA is one of the more craptastic airports in the country. You have to take everything but a boat to get on a plane.) Look up at the time. It's 10:09. I'm starting to panic. I say "crap it's 10:09 and our flight leaves at 10:35. We're at the last concourse. We'll never make it." My darling 12 year old says, "no mom. Our flight leaves at 10:25." Holy shit.

We run. Off the train, up two escalators and to the gate. We can hear them calling final boarding for our flight. I throw our boarding passes at the gate agent and we run on the plane. Phew. All is well and we've made our flight.

But there is trouble in paradise. Once boarded we all notice a smell. Not a very pleasant smell at that. It's a smell that takes me back to my days at Humboldt State. It's the smell of really rank B.O.

We sit in our seats. I'm a little disturbed to see we're sitting in row 23. I know it's lame (hello? theme of my life) and it will only make sense to you if you watch Lost, but I'm taking it in. Then it hits me. The nicely dressed older lady in front of me is the cause of the B.O.

2 hours. 2 hours of wretched body odor. 2 hours of my son saying, "what's that smell mom?" 2 hours of my husband laughing as I sit miserably on the plane with my shirt over my nose. I forgot to mention that I also have had to pee since I got to the parking area and I hate going on planes. 2 hours of horrible smell and the huge urge to urinate. Worst. Plane ride. Ever.

Got into L.A. safely and have had a really nice weekend. Lots of family and friends. At 1 today we will board our ship for our cruise. Really looking forward to it. Just hope my son will partake of the kids club a bit. He's being a bit clingy to me lately.

Hope you all have a wonderful week. I know I wrote a book with this one but I figure I'll leave you with something you can read in pieces since I'll be gone all week. Because I know how much you all care ;)

I'm a leavin' on a Jet Plane

Heading out in a few minutes. Just thought I'd say a quick goodbye before I leave for Hell.A.

Last night I was in Walgreens. Pretty late. Picking up "essential" items for my trip. Here's what I bought:

1. Sea Bands
2. Gummi Worms (3 tubs)
3. Much gum
4. Marshmallow creme (you just never know)
5. A fish feeder
6. Giant Sudoku book
7. Finding Nemo crayons
8. Care Bears coloring and activity book (for my 12 year old for crissakes)
9. Fabreze (see reason for #4)

I'm outtie ya'll. I'll be checking in here and there. I believe they have the internet in that thar big city. Have a great weekend!

Things actually said by my family yesterday...

While driving my son's friend home the boys got into a fight over who got in the car first. The argument left the friend crying like a maniac. When I walked him up to the door my oldest daughter was asking my son why he made his friend feel bad. He kept saying "because"

My daughter said, "tell me in 5 words why you made him feel bad."

My evil genius of a son said, " because, second, third, fourth, fifth."

My daughter and I almost peed in the car.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend Kim on the phone. Instead of actually coming downstairs to talk to me, my husband picked up the phone and started to have a chat with me.

I asked him what he wanted to do about the Prius situation. He said that we should really talk about that in private so that Kim didn't hear the discussion.

Then he said, "By the way, have you seen the rash on my dick? It's getting really bad."

Kim had been very quiet up until this point (I thought she'd hung up) but she burst out laughing after that. He's such a douche sometimes.

I took my kids shopping to my new favoritest stores in the whole world. One is Plato's Closet and the other is called Turnaround. They have brand name clothing that has been gently used for very, very cheap prices. (Thank you Dena for showing me the light.) The clothes are mostly for teens but I did pick up some shorts for my husband. I said it's a great place to fuel my desire to lose some weight (I could have spent a fortune in both).

I did however find 5 shirts that are hideously inappropriate for young girls. They are:

1. I Like to Swing
2. Your Boyfriend is a Good Kisser
3. My Boyfriend Told Me To Be More Lovable. I Now Have Two Boyfriends.
4. Stop Staring at my Chest
5. MILF in Training.

Hope you all have a great day. I've got the rest of the family packing and shopping to do before we head out tomorrow.

Cranky

This morning my phone rang at the hideous hour of 8:20. I know this is very late in the morn for some of you but I'm on vacation right now (re: kids are home) so I wasn't too happy. I answered and all I could hear was someone breathing heavily. It sounded as though they were running on a treadmill or something weird like that. Finally after the 3rd hello? from me they said "hey" and kept on running. WTF? And that is why I've been up since 8:20.

Here I was all paranoid that I wouldn't wake up in time for my PTA meeting at 9:30. Silly me. Someone always has to foil my plans.

I was really hoping that I could come up with some wonderfully funny stories for everyone for the next few days as I won't be around much after that. Well for 2 weeks after. I leave on Friday for L.A. and next Monday I'm taking a short cruise (figured we might as well take a bit of a vaca while on our vaca) Our parents have internet access so I am sure I will blog from vacation but those 5 days at sea I'm thinking will be dark days here. Unfortunately I can't come up with one damn funny thing. My husband didn't even say "bitch crazy" once during Heroes last night which makes me wonder if the writers have lost their touch.

Have a good one ya'll.

My mind is a vast wasteland

I really have nothing to say today. I'm looking forward to Heroes tonight. Wait, you could guess that. My kids are home. Boringarama. My house is a sty. Same shit, different day.

Yep, I've got nothing.

I'll leave you with a cute tidbit from my 4 year old son.

His sisters were both out on Saturday night. He was bored. I told him I'd take him to Blockbuster and get him the Rescue Heroes movie that he'd been wanting but his sisters always hog the rental. We grab the movie and get in line. I tell him he can get a candy (Blockbuster snack pass ya'll!) and we leave. As we get in the car, my son with the biggest grin on his face, hugs me and says "I am sooooo happy with you right now"

He's so freakin cute I can hardly stand it sometimes.

7 Random things about me

Thanks to Skittles for this one (I can't believe I have to think of more stuff now)

I've been tagged with the "Seven Random Things About Me" meme by Skittles.

Here are the rules as passed on - Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about the seven things and the rules. You need to choose seven people to tag and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

Seven Random Things About Me

1. When I play video games (which is rare as I suck at them) I move the controller all around as if this will somehow "help". I really need to get a wii for this reason LOL

2. I love to read through directories and phone books. I love seeing who I know, where they live, what their phone number is. Now I will sometimes use zillow to find out how big their house is. Does this make me a stalker?

3. The only time I have ever gotten up the guts to do karaoke it was to "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard. I rocked.

4. I am still angry at "The Amazing Jonathan". My husband and I went to see him a few years back. During his warm up he says mean things about the audience. He put his camera on me and put the caption "really a man". Of course he is really a fat ass who hasn't changed his act in the last 10 years. I'm not bitter.

5. I will not allow myself to drink my morning coffee (which I desperately need) before I do my dishes.

6. I hate listening to my kids sing. It irritates the crap out of me. Esp. when we're watching a movie and they know all the words. High School Musical is now banned from my house. Rent is soon to follow.

7. I was adopted as an infant. 9 years ago this August I found my birth mom through the internet. It only took one weekend.

I Tag:
Trapped In Colorado, Julie (I dare you. Hey it worked for Slick), Kate, Lorrie, Burfica, Canadian Flake, and Tim (though he'll either not do it or rip off someone else's answers.)

Going to buy other people's crap today.

I have to make this quick as I have to get out of here to hit some garage sales. I still hold on to some of my hippy ideals, one of them being that we have way too much stuff and that if someone is getting rid of something (in good condition) you might as well make use of it.

Oh and let's see.

#1 My favorite tv show as a young kid was Land Of The Lost. In Kindergarten we always played it and I was always Holly. I've asked for the boxed set for Mom's Day. Doubt I'll get it but it's my current dream ;) Oh that and those stupid tickets I couldn't get yesterday.

10 Things You Don't Know About Me

Thanks to Mz. Jackson, I have been tagged to tell you 10 things about myself that you don't know. Well, Julie might know a couple. She also had a couple of suggestions but most of them would get me into trouble. Here we go:

10. I used to blog under the name "Shellubra" (nick name Shell). Had that one for a while but life got to a complicated point and I had to quit. I got that name while working on the set of "Nonnie and Alex". Five of us were out filling up the cars for the next day and we pulled into a service station. On the wall someone had written "Shell Lubrification" in huge, really crappy orange spray painted letters. The other occupants of the car all started cracking up. Somehow they all started calling me "Shellubra". Whatever ;)

9. I am really hoping that I can score some tickets today for the KROQ Weenie Roast. I will be in town that day and love me some Linkin Park. Oh and I need to find someone to go with as my husband would rather die than go to a show at Verizon.

8. I am an alumnus of Humboldt State University. I loved that place. Haven't been back in 9 years. My degree is in Liberal Studies with an emphasis on Radio, TV and Film. Maybe this explains some of my posts :) I chose the school as it was the furthest campus from my house with in-state tuition.

7. I cry every.single.motherhumping.time I hear "Proud To Be An American" by Lee Greenwood. I feel totally lame every time. First time I ever heard the song I was at one of those theaters in Branson, MO. Last time I heard it I was at my oldest child's D.A.R.E. graduation. Yeah, that was embarrassing.

6. I don't like cops. I really thought it was more of an authority figure thing but I've recently learned that it's just cops. I get all nervous and shaky around them. This too was embarrassing at my daughter's D.A.R.E. graduation. The cop prolly thought I was a junkie. I guess I've just known too many a-hole cops.

5. I was accused, in high school, of ransacking my best friend's house which I was supposed to be watching. I was watching it. Unfortunately I had to send my boyfriend over one night and he fucked my other friend at that house. Left many condoms behind. They apparently made some other messes too. It still pisses me off to this day that she never believed me and thought I would do that to her. We've never been friends since.

4. I was a cheerleader at Humboldt State. I was one of the oldest girls and could buy alcohol. We used to do shots at my house before we'd have to go to a game. Not very wise thinking on my part as I was the one they used to throw up in the air. Ah, to be young and stupid.

3. This is one of my favorite jobs I have had (I haven't had many. One included working at a Thighmaster booth in a mall.) in my short career. I got to go up in one of the planes. The man who took me up was Commander Rick Fessenden who was such a nice guy. I cried when I later found out he had been killed flying.


2. nevermind

1. I'll have to think on this one.

My Son, the Fetishist

My son has a fetish. It's a really odd one and I do hold on to hope that someday he will outgrow it or at least move it on to someone other than myself.

My soon to be 5 year old loves to play with my belly. He rubs it to calm himself down. He prefers to have "hand to belly contact" when he tries to fall asleep. One night I flipped over onto my stomach while he was sleeping next to me and he said (while sleepingish) "NO. BELLY!" I thought my husband was going to wet the bed.

My son says he likes it because it's "floppily". I try to tell myself that he likes it because he has a feeling of connection due to having lived in there for 9 mos. Really though I think he's right. It is "floppily".

At least he doesn't suck his thumb or smoke crack. Those are some hard habits to kick.

Blake Bakes My Cake

or eats my cake, or takes my cake. Whatever. Regardless I love the man and his perfomance on Bon Jovi night was wicked awesome. Even though a)he looked a bit gayer than normal and b)1985 Simon Le Bon called and wanted his look back, Blake was still my favorite.

Just in case you cared.

New Car Smell

We are currently in the market to buy a new car for my husband (btw if you are in the Denver Metro area and are in the market for a 2002 Subaru WRX hatchback with only 40,000 miles, gimme a ring). I am very excited as I don't like to drive stick shift, regardless of the rumors.

We are looking at the 2007 Toyota Prius. I took my son for a test drive last week and fell in love. Plus with my husband working 60 miles away we thought it would be nice to a)save on gas and b)not have that stinking stick shift anymore. I am so excited.

I do hate dealing with the car dealers though. One was such a douchebag (I'd give you his number but really, don't want to kill a potential deal) that he called me at 8:30 am (oh yes he did) had me tell him what I was looking for (even though I put that all on my internet request) and then he said he'd email me with the price. Well, he emailed me and asked me what I was looking for. What a NIMROD!

Customer service these days sucks.