So pleased with myself

I know I'm not normally a very cocky person but today I'm just too damn proud of myself not to let you all know just how great I am.

For Christmas we got my oldest child a bike. We assembled it this weekend (no I'm not cocky because I'm a huge procrastinator. Besides it was damn snowy this winter, lay off) and found out that it doesn't really fit her (nope, not my moment of pride either) but it fits me perfectly.

I had to wrestle with some deamons here people. I haven't ridden a bike in a good 15 years. Ever since I went riding through the streets of Arcata, CA and some hapless hippy almost ran me over. Seriously. I knew I could ride, but did I want to die?

One of the nice things about living where I do is the trail system here. They are everywhere. One just happens to start right off the end of my cul-de-sac (cue no/fx song. sorry) Without thinking I slap on my helmet and go hit the trail. One of the hills was so hard that I saw two people get off and walk their bikes. But I conquered the beast and rode on home.

My bike ride was short (though it almost killed me and I thought my lungs were going to burst) but I did it and am very proud of myself. Even though my ass now hurts and I have a slightly chafed vagina, I did it. Aren't you proud of me?

So freaking tired

Last night at 4:40 am my daughter's cell phone rang. Loudly. In my room. Needless to say I've been up since 4:40. (no my daughter does not know who called. she has what is apparently a very popular old number as we get calls on it all the time. Which is really great as it's a pay as you go phone.) Oh and some douchebag on my street sat outside honking at about 6 am. What the hell is wrong with people?

I just realized yesterday that my husband looks like Syler. A lot. It kinda creeps me out. I'm really trying to figure out what power I have that he wishes to take. I'm scared.

If you want to have some fun call this person at 678-570-8755 and tell them never to call my daughter again. Hopefully they weren't calling because someone died. Whatever. Mofo's woke me up.

Ryan Seacrest is a bastard

That was just plain cruel. He made my 12 year old tear up. More unfair what he did to poor Jordin.

I finally slept through a whole night without waking up. I'm like a newborn I tell ya.

I really hate when my kids come in while I'm typing up a blog post and start reading it. They're little bastards too. (that's what you get when you read over shoulders.)

Is it weird that I felt kind of bad that Lou Knickerbocker died? I mean don't get me wrong. He creeps me out like none other. But I feel sorry for all the kids he left behind. They have enough problems as it is.

Yes, I know. I have issues with tv. It all stems from my days with a tv in my room watching "You Can't Do that on Television". I still love Alasdair. If you want you can check him out here. I already know I have issues so no need to point them out.

I've really got nothing of importance to say. Not that I ever do. :) I'm beginning to wonder if I am anything more than a random mess of tv addiction. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I think.

This sucks

Got a call this morning from son's preschool. Seems school is cancelled today. Why you ask? I have no freaking clue. It's sunny out. No snow on the ground. Go online and find out my other kids school is closed as well. Crap.

Enough of my misery. Here's my story for the day.

Last week it was heart dissection day in my oldest child's class. I volunteered my husband as there was no way I was doing this. Husband goes in and has to lead a group of four kids and one heart. They go through all the stuff and my husband is amazed at how much these kids know. He said they were like little doctors or something.

After the dissection, the teacher had the kids say what they learned. He's calling on kids and they're going "I learned that the left ventrical will inflate at a rate of 200 psi when conductivity of air is introduced" Yes that was paraphrased. Yes I know it means nothing. I didn't go remember? Yuck.

The teacher calls on my husband. What did you learn today? Here's what my husband says:
"I learned today that lamb heart tastes just like chicken"

Yeah, he's a rockstar.

Ahhh, Spring in Colorado!

 

 

 

 

God must hate people who live just to the east of the Rockies

or he's mad we moved here or something.

Sunday it was 70. Beautiful out. Total springtime wonderland.
Today? Snow. Hail. Freakin cold. Oh and we were under tornado watch last night.

Thank goodness I just rented that Spongebob video for boy child or he'd be going mad not playing outside.

It was so great to have "Heroes" on again. My husband even made it through the entire episode (except the credits when they showed Ali Larter's name) without saying "bitch crazy". We're making progress.

My neighbors are having wood floors put in, I believe their entire house. They have had some sort of generator (sander?) running since 5 am. If I wasn't so damn tired at 5 am I would have called someone to bitch about it. It's making our whole house hum.

I rekindled my love for Dave Chapelle the other night. I caught his stand up routine on Comedy Central. He actually makes me laugh for days after seeing him. Except that "Block Party" movie. That was a piece of shit.

Why isn't spell check working on blogger today? Ya'll are gonna have to suck up my spelling errors as I'm too lazy to proofread on my own. Yes Julie, I mean you.

12 hours til my man Blake performs. Woo Hoo! And no Sanjaya! Bonus!

I think that's enough of my mental diarrhea for now. Have a great day.

It's the final countdown...

Next week I might have to be taken to the funny farm. Well, probably not for two weeks. Here's why:

I only have 4 days left of preschool for my son. 4.precious.days. Granted preschool is only two and a half hours long but you would be amazed by what I can get done in those hours (and a half). Sincerely.

After Thursday my son will be home until...July 11th. That is two and a half months people. Quite frankly I'm scared. I took all my kids and the local kids to the park yesterday for 4 hours. My daughters quite honestly were wrecked by this. They were bickering at a "level orange" state. My son? Barely seemed to notice. I'm screwed.

Then there's another matter. My daughters. They are out for onemotherhumpinmonth starting May 4th. Sometimes I hate the track system.

So, May 5th I may need to be committed. No wait, then I'd have to bust out. I have a little trip going on in May. Check back May 23rd. I'll definitely be insane by then.

I should have planned these last two weeks better...

Peggy doesn't like green dots...

A HUGE thank you to Peggy over at Bella Mommy for creating my lovely new template. I am very appreciative. If you are thinking of changing things up over at your own site check Peggy out first. She is super cool, very friendly and quick! Also very reasonable. I just can not thank her enough.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. They said it's supposed to rain today but as I've learned, they CAN NOT predict the weather just east of the Rockies. Right now it's absolutely beautiful out so I'm going to go enjoy it.

Oh and another thank you to all of you readers who have been leaving such nice comments. It's very sweet of you to take the time to stop by and leave a nice note. I appreciate all of you as well.

Enjoy!

Random thoughts

I woke up in the middle of the night with a bit of vomit in my mouth. Not sure what was going on there (can one get acid reflux from salad for crying out loud?) but it was a hella nasty surprise to wake up to. I hate brushing my teeth at 3 am.

I like some really bad music. I am ok with this but really I was surprised by just how craptastic my musical taste can range. Go see Julie if you want full details.

My daughters have too much. I need to reel them in. Big time. When we are in Mexico next month I think I'll take them around and show them what a rough life is. My oldest thinks cleaning the living room is criminal. I'll show her.

Working in a school is very, very draining. I did just under three volunteer hours yesterday and I was wrecked when I came home. It amazes me every time.

One way to irritate me? Change the time on my alarm clock.

Is it wrong that I am so looking forward to Monday I can hardly stand it? Heroes rocks.

Is it just me or is this season of Survivor b.o.r.i.n.g?

I really need to shave before I go to the pool today. Really though? I don't wanna.

Have a good Friday ya'll. And a great weekend too.

Ways to know you are a BFF

I know that some people think you can only have one bestest friend. Those people are stupid. Of course you can have more than one. Each one has a different function in your life.

Ways to know you are BFF's

1. You don't even flinch when asking them how to spell diarrhea.
2. You accept their quirks/faults. After all, you probably have some of the same faults as well.
3. You can drop a deuce while talking on the phone with them and not even pause the conversation.
4. You don't care when they have to get off the phone with you to take a call from their mother/cousin/boy toy/other bff. You understand and accept that there are other people in their life.
5. You call each others children "douchebags" when they do something stupid. No ones feelings get hurt.
6. You don't mind listening to all their problems. And all their joys of course.
7. You are asked to be in a menage a troi with this person because, you know, it just wouldn't be weird.
8. You don't criticize them when they are doing something bad. It's not your place. (unless they are going to harm another. then you can set them straight)
9. You've gotten naked in front of them for any reason and don't even care.
10. You miss them when you've gone too long without talking to them.

Actual Convo at my house this a.m.

My daughters have taken to fighting every morning. It pisses me off to no end.

It started when my daughter E said "A and I have switched places. Now I buy lunch and she doesn't"

A: Not uh
E: yeah, you keep taking
A: No
E: Yes
A: I can't wait until next year when I don't have to get ready in the morning with E around
E: Well I can't wait until you have to get up at 6 am.
A: Yeah well I'll get out earlier than you
E: Yeah but you'll have a ton more work
A: No fourth grade is the hardest year for transition
E: Did you have trouble with it? No.
A: So doesn't mean you won't
E: I won't. I'm smarter than you
A: No you aren't
E: Mom can I have a bagel
M: sure, if you make it yourself
A: Make me one too
E: No Butt Munchkin
A: Fine I'll make one myself stupid
E: If you can figure out how
A: These bagels are hard to cut
E: See I told you you couldn't figure it out
A: Just shut up E
E: Make me (smacks her ass with a bagel)
A: Just don't talk to me anymore

Blissful silence. How lame are they? This goes on EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. I'm about to sell them to the gypsy's.

I hope your morning routine is much more pleasant than mine.

Nothing today

I've just got nothing to say today so I think I'll just send some prayers and positive thoughts to those involved in yesterday's shootings at Virginia Tech. What an awful, awful tragedy. You send your kids to school to be safe, not terrorized by a suicidal classmate. Very, very sad.

My thoughts are with all the victims and their families.

Tomato Face

By nature I have a rather round face. Even when I was at my skinny-minniest my face was still more "full moon" than "vapid model". Some screw up in the genetic code.

Yesterday I took my son and younger daughter to the park. It was an absolutely gorgeous day here and I thought I might kill someone if I spent it cooped up in the house. To the park we went. Without sunscreen. Somehow my precious children managed to get away undamaged by their mother's stupidity. Mom did not get off so lucky. I am now a big ole tomato face. Today will be a makeup day for sure.

This is one of those weeks that I hate. The kind where you have something almost every night. It's going to be one big run fest all week long. I'm tired already.

I hope you all have a wonderful week ahead of you full of lots of downtime and with no need to wear any makeup. Except you men. Maybe you guys should wear makeup for a week. See what a bitch it is to get ready every day.

Don't mind me. I haven't had my coffee yet. And I'm starving. Really you're getting off lucky.

I am the P.I.M.P

Goo Goo Ga Joob


Since my friend is being a whore, I'll help out by being her pimp.

Darling Julie was nominated for 3 awards at Blogger's Choice Awards. How rad is that? And yes I said rad. Sue me.

Head on over to her blog (hint, click on her name above!) and go check it out. I will love you long time if you vote for her.

Have a great weekend ya'll!

Is God trying to tell me something?

I read a lot of blogs yesterday. A LOT. I commented on most of them. I do try to comment on all the ones I visit but seriously I run out of witty or insightful things to say. I'm sure you can tell this by reading my posts.

Yesterday however I believe that God was sending me a message. What it's purpose was I'm not really sure.

Almost every blog I commented on yesterday that has word verification had the letters "bj" at the end. A sign? Hmmmm. Or perhaps is google trying to have it's way with me. Maybe it's all just some great mind scheme they've been cooking up.

Will I ever really know?

Discuss.

Update: Sanjaya is now my

vagina? Yep, my darling 12 year old came up with this gem. We were watching Idol last night and my husband started calling our dog (Ginger) Ginjaya. Which bothers me but I can't let him know or he'll keep doing it. Anywho, our daughter is meanwhile sitting on the couch silently shaking with tears streaming down her face. Ruling out illness I ask her what's so funny. She barely eeks out, Sanjaya is my...more shaking. More tears. So I offer up vagina? And she bursts out laughing while nodding her head. Who knew this was hereditary?

Oh and Lost last night? Best. Episode. Ever.
When Sawyer saw Kate I about cried. Because I am lame and a total sap. Suck it.

Well I hear my son peeing all over the floor upstairs so I've gotta run. You all have a wonderful day now.

Overheard in the market yesterday:

There was a bloated lady (late 50's), sharply dressed (except for the floor length fur. Blech) walking through the market with a sense of entitlement reserved usually for the very wealthy. She was talking into her bluetooth as she tried to find the shortest line that would get her away from the rif-raf as soon as humanly possible.

In line at the in store bank was a very, very, very, very unhappy 3 year old girl. Who was crying and crying and screaming and crying. (Yes it was VERY annoying. However I'm a parent and we've all been there. Hell my oldest actually threw one of those mini carts one time when I picked her up so I know my way around embarrassing shopping times)

This lady (term used loosely) actually said this into the phone:

"Oh that? That is a petulant child positively screaming in the store."
"I know, can you believe parents these days? Why on Earth don't they remove her so we all don't have to listen to this"
"I mean for God sakes, this is why there are nannies. Obviously this man isn't fit to take care of this child."

I thought I was going to have to be picked up off the floor. This woman was like a fat, blinged out version of the Wicked Witch of the West. What is wrong with people?

Did you know?

Did you know that it took me 2 and a half hours yesterday to clean out a 12 gallon aquarium? While I was cleaning it I would have sworn only 20 mins or so had passed.

Did you know that if you tell your 9 year old child and her friend that they can make a "pond" in the dirt in your backyard they will take that to mean the dirt that lies under your grass? Now I have a big ass hole in my yard.

Did you know that if you let your kid stay home from school sick they will have more energy and get on your nerves more than any other time in their life?

Did you know that a main purpose of the internet is to confuse and annoy you so that you never (almost) buy or do anything? I stifle myself with research.

Did you know that the control button on the right hand side of my laptop must have arthritis? It'll seize up for a few days and then go back to it's normal springy self. I know, weird right?

Did you know that I'm going back to the gym starting today? I need to lose some weight so that I can successfully gain it back when I take my cruise next month.

Did you know that I'm much funnier in person? ;)

Now you tell me something. What should I know?

Is it Monday already?

Yesterday we had a very nice day. Usually for Easter we go to my MIL's house. She decorates eggs with the kids. She sets out an egg hunt for them. She cooks. It still somehow always ends up being stressful. Yesterday was the first real holiday we've had since we've moved (we went back for Christmas so that doesn't count). While we missed the family and our kids really missed playing with their cousins, it was also very relaxing.

I made Easter bags for the kids (with some stuff my MIL sent which was very nice). They were so excited to wake up to them since they never have LOL. Then my husband and I hid 30 eggs and sent the kids off to find them. One is still missing. We have NO idea where it is. I said that at least it wasn't a real egg. My lovely 9 year old pointed out that if it were, at least eventually we'd find it. She has a point.

For dinner I made this and this and this and my 9 year old made a cake which we cut out into the shape of an egg and frosted and decorated. Gotta love allrecipes.com. Everything was wonderful.

How was your weekend? Anything fun (or yummy) had by you or your family?

I knew it!

CSUF study says gays more likely than straights to be left-handed

I always knew my husband was gay! It explains the jokes.

Is there any reason my 12 year old insists on talking to me the whole time I try to write a post? It makes it hard to type and think at the same time. Today's ultra long story? About a girl who could only hear really loud things. See you don't think it's interesting either.

My coffee isn't really doing it for me today.

I have to take my dog in to the vet today. And it's raining. How craptastic is that? I love me some wet dog in the car. Fun, fun. Oh and after her appointment I have to put her in the car and run into the market. Let her wet fur funk up the car even more. Should make the car smell even better than it already does (thanks to a pair of stinky shoes and a wet towel a friend left on my back seat).

My middle child is home with a cold today. I told her 30 mins ago that she could stay home if she went back upstairs to bed. She said ok and refuses to get off her ass. I'd make her go but she really is sick and I'll try not to infect everyone else in her class. I'm good like that.

I think I'll go get another cup and stop boring ya'll for today. Have a good Good Friday all.

Sanjaya is my Papaya

Yesterday was a really nice day. My friend picked the boy child up to take him to school. My husband and I went to lunch here. It was a really nice restaurant (although I can't say I recommend the buffalo meatloaf). Then we came home and walked the pooch (no, this isn't a sex reference. We actually have a dog). I went to go meet my friend and the boys for their Tae Kwan Do lesson. Cutest. Thing. Ever. I promised Julie that I'd take pictures but I lie sometimes. For fun. You should try it. Thursday I swear though J ;)

Came home. Made a kick ass burrito for dinner (seriously. much better than the buffalo meatloaf) Then sat down to watch the greatness that is American Idol (though I found most of last night to be boring. Really I feel that most of them have been boring but I love Blake so I muddle through) But really, what made my day was the chick with the "Sanjaya is my Papaya" banner. WTF does that even mean? Papaya helps canker sores, maybe that's it? Oh and his hair was worth watching the show for anyway.

Then the end-cap to the evening was watching my 12 year old dd and my favorite new man. We seriously love this man. Because we are seriously two of the more f-d up people you might meet. Just ask Julie.

Hope your Tuesday was as kick ass as mine.

To further prove that I have no life...

and that I'm a bit of a voyeur. I next blog. You are probably way to cool to have ever partaken in this activity. Not I. I love hitting the "next blog". Usually I get an English blog or two before I hit the 20 in Spanish, the few in French, and then the ones from Asia (why the hell do most of these show up as question marks?) Then I almost always, without fail, hit a blog with some hot beautiful men. Half naked beautiful men. As I curiously scroll down, inevitably there comes the pic of two guys going at it. Who knew there were so many gas sex blogs out there?

My question today is, how do you find new blogs to read (assuming you do). Do you click on people in other people's comments? Do you click on their links? Or dare say do you next blog?

If you don't next blog, you are missing this, and this and this. See, good stuff. And it's how I found Donsie.

Heroes and abilities

So for the last few night my husband and I have sat in bed and tried to catch up on "Heroes". We are always a bit behind the times (we pulled a weekend bender of season 1 of Lost). We have about 5 episodes of the show until we catch up with the series. We are both really enjoying the show and like trying to figure out what some of the powers the people have are.

Last night, while we took a water break, I found mine.

I know, I know. You didn't know I was "special". Well at least not in that way.

As we walked into the kitchen to fill our cups we both simultaneously puked a bit in our mouths. It was one of the freakiest things I've ever witnessed. We were like "did you just?"..."did you?" Yep. And we declared it my power.

I'm not really sure what to do with such powers. Can they be used for good? Are they powers I really want?

What power would you like to have (if you haven't already found yours?)